Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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