her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
