I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
