Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
