I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I need to stop coming to work sober
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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