you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
