and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
