Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
as a side note pls kill me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
