ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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