To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
