There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
