So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
