Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Randomize
