I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
