one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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