I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize