Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
