Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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