I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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