she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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