just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
