Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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