You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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