what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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