your parents love me but you hate me
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
