I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
