You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
