sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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