Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
