So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
