Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
