How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
