Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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