these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
