your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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