Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
