When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
