Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
