i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
