need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize