I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
