He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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