This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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