Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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