Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize