i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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