Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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