she was so not down for the gang bang
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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