Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We have started to decorate penises.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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