You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
