Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize