90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
