I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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