went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
