K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
