Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
