a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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