He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
