My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
