You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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