I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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