Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
