just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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