Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
