apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
