You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize