There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
