I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
