eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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