We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
