no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
