I faked an abortion last night.
Say something about gay babies.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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