there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize