I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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