new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
