Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
