I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
