dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
