Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize