omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
