you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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