The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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